Spain's broken mask and Romano's epiphany
by Evelynyamine
Summary: I'm known as that happy-go-lucky kind of guy, but on the inside, I'm a ticking time bomb that's about to explode. My sarcastic asshole of a boyfriend isn't helping eihter I really wish I could just fade away, because I don't even know anything anymore. Yet still, I won't die, and it's getting kind of annoying. Either things change, or I'm going to greet death very soon.
1. Chapter 1

**This story is a colab with my spectacual frand mme2100. She's writing in Romano's pov and I'm writing in Spain's. PLEASE CHECK OUT BOTH STORIES. IT makes the whole plot more interesting.**

* * *

I walked down teh stiars on my quest to find Lovino. He was my boyfriend and he has been for a very long time. I rounded a corner in the vast building to find Lovino arguing with Ludwing.

Again.

I sighed; why can't Lovi just be more polite to people? He knows that Ludwing is uptight, no need to make it any worse. As i got closer, I could hear what they were saying.

"Fuck my balls, Damn potato bastard." Lovi spat.

"Why are you so infuriating? Can't you just stop having such a dick."

Ludwing did have a valid point there; Lovino could be a dick sometimes...

okay, all the time.

"Lovi!" I called out in a cheerful and fake voice. He whipped his hear around and said

"not now, tomato bastard; can't you see I'm busy?" He snapped. I felt a pang of annoyance at this, Lovino needed a slap in the face...

by god...

going super saying jesus christ on his ass.

"Why do you always call me a bastard?" I asked.

"because you are one!" Lovino yelled. "between you and feli, you guys are too damn happy all the time.

What a lie.

I'm not always happy.

In fact, I never am.

"So do you want me to leave?" I asked, not bothering to hide my emotions with my voice. Lovino flinched at the anger that filled my words before saying

"Yes! PLease go! and don't come back!" he yelled.

"With pleasure." I replied in a monotone voice. I turned around and walked away calmly. There were no tears running down my face, because I wasn't sad.

I was happy.

I know what to do this time.

This will end.

now.

* * *

I walked out of the school and down the street. im so done. Im tired of people always assuming that im always happy. Especially Lovino. He needs to learn that i wont be there to pay his speeding ticket or let him copy my homework every time. i kicked a nearby rock to let out some of my frustration. It bounced around until a passing truck ran it over. The rock was still there though, just like my problems.

I flung the door to my house open. This was it; I was finally down with all of this, of life and it's shit. I grabbed the longest kitchen knife I had, and sighed.

Tonight, the red substance on the blade would not be tomato juice.

it would be my blood.

It was concealed in my jacked, so it appeared as though nothing was wrong.

Looks are very deceiving.

I walked down the street that headed towards school and hoped over the gates. the school grounds were dark and calm. A faint mist cling to the grass. I stuck to the pain path and walked along the side of the building. there was a garden shed that looked omnicent in the moonlight. I climbed up onto it and leapt onto the roof. I walked along the roof until i realized that i reached the end of the main building. I looked up at the stars, to have at least something beautiful to say goodbye to. Then i drew the knife across my chest.

There was a painful stinging, but it felt nice, in a weird way. I drew the knife across my torso again, forming an "X". TO symbolize me bein crossed out of this life. The loss of blood was making me dizzy, and i collapsed onto the ground staring at the sky. A dream expression filled my face, because I knew I was fading out. My vision became blurred and darker. I heard a voice, a distress call coming from some one.

they were getting closer. Hazel eyes filled my vision and all i could say was

"I'm sorry." but it was too late.


	2. Chapter 2

All I saw was darkness. I could hear faint sounds in the distance.

Crying?  
Sirens?

I don't know. I don't know anything but I hear a voice. One that I've never heard before, but sounds so familiar. This is the end, I'm done. I'm fading into the light, and I'm being led away.

I won't die. I won't die.

Why won't I die? I don't even have enough happiness to dream a single dream. I can feel my body being picked up by warm hands, yet I feel truly cold. I hear people rushing to save me, and I can feel their needles that pierce my worthless body. I don't understand why they bother, there's no place in the world I could possibly belong, and yet

I won't die.

I won't die!

suddenly the warmth of a strangers hand pulls me back from the one thing that isn't dark.

It won't stop, It won't stop!

These noises around me, and the things that I feel. Now they're gone and I can finally breathe. I hear the doctors and nurses all around me, trying to make something out of this thing that is known as "me" I am a prisoner to my own self, and it would be better if everyone would just go. I don't know,

I don't know!

but a new voice appears.

Not mine, or anyone elses

but the voice of humanity

calling me back to resst.

and now I think I'll be alright.

I don't know, and I won't die, but all my thoughts, dreams and feeelings are being pulled into the light.

* * *

I "woke up" to a faint beeping sound, and a dull stinging in my left arm. I could feel oxygen tubes resting on my face, and in my nose.

Yeah... not the best feeling. I'm still motionless. I can't even lift a finger, or open my eyes. My mind and emotions are...

worn.

I've never been so tired before in my entire life. In a way, I don't want to wake up soon, because I don't want to face reality, but I also hate not knowing. I don't know what time it is, and I'm probably in a hospital. I have no idea what day it is... I think it's saturday... not sure.

And here comes my worrying.

Does Lovi know?

Wait.

Why do I care? I'm not his guardian, I never was. Suddenly, I feel a rush, and my "vision" (or what ever you want to call it) began to fill with light.

* * *

When my "vison cleared again, I appeared to be standing in a hospital room. There was someone laying on the bed. Sunlight streamed through the windows on the right side, illuminating the body on the bed, so that you could see every detail. I "walked?", moved over to the body on the bed. the person had messy, wavy and dark brown hair. Their face, which seemed like it was sunkisseed, was about as white as the sheets that came up to their chest. I starred at there person for another moment before it hit me.

The person on the bed was me. Oh shit!

I had oxygen tubes to help me breathe. There was a blood iv hooked up to my left arm, and a hert moniter off to the left hand side. It gave off a constant beeping nosie that echoed throughtout the room. The door opened behoind and two nurses walked into the room. One held held another iv filled with clear liquid and the other wheeled in a machine into the room. The first nurse, had long black hair pulled back into a braid. She approached my body and stuck a needle into my right arm. I felt the sting of a needle hitting my skin, but when I looked down, there was nothing there on my arm. No mark or anything. the second nurse pegan to place wires onto my forehead. She placed medical tape over them and turned the machine on. The line was dead.

Does this mean that I have no brain activity? but then... how am I thinking?

How am I feeling?

I don't know, I don't know.

I DON'T KNOW!

This is really starting to piss me off.

My "legs" began to feel wobbley and I sat down on the hospital floor. It felt like someone was beating me over the head with a pole. The darkness came this time instead and the hospital room faded out.

Only this time, I saw nothing, and everything is gone.

* * *

I see nothing. I feel nothing. I am only floating in this darkness.

It appears endless.

Is it a dream?

Is anything else real?

Yet, it still doesn't mean a thing, in this punishment game called life.

I'm just tired of being sad

and I'm yearining to let go.

I can't make another move, I can't take another step.

I'm falling appart, and soomthere will be nothing left.

Why did they even try to save me in the first place.

What was there left to save.

I want to find a way to change

I want to see my self again.

* * *

Muffled foot steps approach me. I can barely hear them. They sould like they're getting closer. I hear the squeak of a chair being pulled over tiles to my right. Someone is here to see me, it seemes, but who is it?

A voice begins to speak. It sounds like a guys voice... but it sounds so distant.

Are they crying now?

I hate hearing people cry.

They shouldn't cry for me.

Tears shoudn't be wasted on me.

"What if I didn't find you, Tony?"

oh... oh no. That's Feli. Am I sorry though? Or does this airhead deserve the pain. Childhood innocence doesn't last forever. I think it's about time life slapped him in the face anyway.

"what if you never wake up?"

That would be nice

"What about Lovi?"

We all know that he needs a reality check.

"How could you do this?"

You say this as though it's my fault. When I am simply tired of you, your brother, and the world. Truthfully, I'm amazed that Ludwing hasen't snapped either.

"but now that I think about it..." he began Feli's voice wasn't it's normal airy sound, it was sounded fully here. "I think Lovi deserves this pain, and to know what it's like, even if it's only a fraction of what you're feeling. I know I'm his brother, so in a way, I should thank you."

Damn, well I certnatly wsn't expecting THAT.

Go Feli! Finally Someone who understands... I take back what I said eariler, he really or somewhat does get it and for that I'm greatful.

beep

beep

beep

beep.

I swear one of these days if i hear another beep, I am going to kill someone. This machine however, is the remote control to my life, supporting me.

I just want to be human like everyone else.

* * *

A long time has passed since Feli come to visit me. The slience is nice, adn I welcome it with open arms. It gives me a chance to clear my head. The door to the hospital room slam open, just as the darkness came again.

* * *

I hear muffled speaking in the distance.

A warm hand gripped my own.

And now I could feel... waterdroplets? drippng from where ever onto my face.

what the hell... who the fuck puts water droplets on someone's face while there in a coma.

unless it's tears.

but who would...

it that Lovi's voice I hear?

"Please Antonio, come back! You idiot! I need you! I need you here with me damn it! I want you to come in at the wrong times and annoy me and jump into my shower! I want you to lecture me on my speeding tickets. I promise I won't cuss you out in the middle of the night and I'll never say no to sex! Please Tony! I'll do anythi-ing! Please, be okay! Please, come baaaack. Please come and live with me and never leave my side! I won't be able to do anything without you! I was a horrible person, I was a fucking blind dumbass! I was afraid you would leave me, I was afraid you would hurt me! But I was stupid! You were the only one, the only one that was ever there for me! You were always there caring for me. When you said you loved me, I didn't believe you, but I understand now! I believe you Tony! I love you with all my heart! I don't care if you believe me, or if you can even hear me! I'm telling you now! Antonio Fernandez Carriedo I love you more than anyone and I always will! I will tell you every day and make you hear it so much you get fucking sick of it! Tony I always have and will love you, so please… please come back." I hear someone say.

Oh Lovi...

YOU'RE SO CUTEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I'm not sure how I feel now though. The sadness is still there definetially. But now there is something else too.

It feels kinda warm... and I think I like it. I want you.

I think I need you to, if you're willing to change. I try as hard as I can to open my eyes. Light floods my vision through the tiny slits. I grab Lovi's hand back, showing that maybe things will be different.


End file.
